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Topics - SIR A-ONE

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1
Breaking News: Top 100 Hilarious Lines, Memes of SIR A-ONE

1. Some guys don't have direction at all. Why would you woo almost 15 ladies in one day? Is this how you want to live your Life? I will tell Igbidigbi.
2. Girl: Can we date without sex?
Boy: Yes, as long as I will not spend my money on you.
Girl: You bi stingy substance.
😃😝🤣
3. I have been on Facebook for 9 years now. If I had given birth in 2009 by now my BABY would have been 9 years old. Nobody should beg me. Let me cry my eyes out. 😭😰😓😥
4. Ugly People have been unfriending me lately. What's my offense?
5. Say NO to violence! But, whoever says 'Sai Baba' beat that person very well.
6. On Her Wall:
Guy: Why did you not pick up my calls this morning?
Babe: Inbox, please.
Guy: Which inbox? Today we must disgrace ourselves.
Babe: Really?
Guy: Yes.
Babe: I didn't pick up your calls because I was enjoying the soft rod of another person. I cannot cum & die on your broomstick like D.
I'm still waiting for the Dude's insult on her wall. I love Facebook.
7. I can't post everything you will LIKE. Facebook got 6 reactions (Like, haha, sad, love, angry & wow). If you cannot find anyone appropriate, comment section is there to drop it.

I can never make SENSE always. I'm a human. And making sense & nonsense is my calling.
8. Babe: Send me money in my account. Today is my birthday.
Dude: People should transfer money to you for your birthday, would they transfer the World to you when you're getting married?
Babe: I was not begging.
Dude: Shut up!
9. When I was much younger, carbin biscuit, groundnut & fanta was BAE.
What was Bae to you when you were much younger?
10. You're in PortHarcourt, Wednesday you will go to Oil Mill Market to pick wears
Later snap and upload 'Living large in PH'
Don't worry your cup will soon be filled to the brim.
11. Can someone tell me why undergraduates post more about school life than Master & Ph.D students?
12. Instead of you to activate your follow button, you're busy removing friends. You might end up removing your destiny helpers. Common sense is never common.
13. A white man has been liking all my posts. I think one Sapele, Warri or Abuja boy is at work.
14. You want her to come again?
Shower her love & Fuck her very well.
15. No one wakes up so early like a Lady who urinates in a custard rubber. When she is asleep, her mind is on how to empty it very early before other neighbours wake up.
16. When a child starts growing hair in his pubic region, he should not think he has come of age with his father.
17. She told me I am the best in the whole World. I did a research & realised she has never travelled out of Nigeria. How can I be the best just after 30 minutes, when Messi couldn't even get that Title this year. I hate LIES. 😅😜😝🤣
18. These days when white men or ladies chat me up or like my posts, I quickly think maybe one Sapele, Lagos, Abuja, Ughelli, PortHarcourt Boy/Girl is at it again. 😝😂😄😁😅😋🤣😃😜😆😀😛
19. You want your Boyfriend to either buy you an iPhone or he should quit the relationship, when there is no one in your Family with an iPhone.
20. Did you know each like you hit on Facebook is being recoded?
I pity those stingy people that don't LIKE posts. Facebook should create HATE button for them if only they would use it.
21. Those who come on Facebook to beg on, before & during their birthdays; do they realised we are not their Fathers & Mothers? 😁😄
22. Atheist: Your religion is foreign.
Theist: Your laptops & phones are Nigerian made. 😄😁😆
23. Sister, if he is broadcasting that you're cheap just because he has surfed your internet
Go around and destroy him by calling him 'Impotent'.
24. Some guys are mad. How dare you put both hands into your local government and scratch for only God knows how long, and use same hands to hold a Glass Cup without washing?
I hate Nonsense.
25. Some will go to Shoprite, spend N500 & snap over 300 pictures. Are you normal at all? We need to deliver you from the spirit of poverty.
26 You have slept with her & her elder sister. Your father have slept with their Mother.
Wait a minute, is your Family under a curse?
27. Those who copy People's POSTS and erased the names of the owners and make it their own Post(s), May the years of your Life be reducing with each post you steal!
Can I get an Amen?
28. Even when your eyes can see very well, love would still be BLIND.
29. They no longer use 'Small Girl, Big God' since they were blast! 😂
30. After 4 years of not talking with me on Phone. She calls:
Guess who is calling?
Me: Customer Care.
31. I had a very fantastic DREAM last night. Just that I can't remember the dream again. Please, who can remind me?
32. In my dream last night I saw Adams Oshiomhole fighting Muhammadu Buhari while Rotimi Amaechi was just laughing by the corner.
Any Joseph to do the interpretation?
33. The sweetest egg I have eaten is that of the Turtle.
Which is the sweetest egg you have eaten thus far in Life?
34. Why pay over N350,000 for security monthly when you can buy 2 dogs and buy JUJU from IJEBUODE & cut *Odeshi in them alongside 2 guards with licensed Guns.
•I know I will die one day but only wisdom will kill Me.
35. Those of you that do add extra PEPPER to Noodles, hope you know you will not make Heaven?
😀😃
36. Daddy ShowKey wept at Raskimono's funeral.
Your guess is as good as mine.
37. Could it be that some GIRLS are under curse?
They will fall in LOVE with You when you have nothing to offer & leave You when You got something reasonable to offer.
38. Sundays, Nigerian Girls are not always reachable.
39. If you have not been in love with the wrong person before you will find it very hard to know the right one when you come across the person.
40. If Robert Mugabe with all his wisdom could suffer Zimbabwe for over 37 years as a president, then there are foolish wisdom as well.
41. My future wife must be an ungrateful Lady. She will finally abandon her Family name & take over my own.
42. The Goat that goes to a Lion's Wall to dance carelessly on Facebook must be eaten up with no mercy by the King of the Jungle.
43. The problem I have with a lot of individuals who correct People publicly for the purpose of humiliation is that they end being corrected along the line.
44. Doctor said I should be taking Noodles and Beans.
I don't know what this means. Even brother Google is silent on this.
😁
45. Dear young Lady, I was told that young man you're crushing on will soon become a Catholic Priest.
A voice told me. Don't ask me whose voice.
46. Before an average Nigerian Girl will be 25 years of age
She might have ended up disappointing at least 50 men by not visiting them as at when planned.
47. You can make 25 posts daily on Facebook. No time for your Books as a Student. Those 6 carryovers are just nothing for now. Soon you would carry the entire school to your family house.
48. AND IN that day seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread and provide our own apparel; only let us be called by your name to take away our reproach [of being unmarried].
Isaiah 4:1
I just can't wait for them to rush me.
49. Apart from Full-Time Bloggers, here is the classification of people & their daily posts on Facebook:
Ladies/Men hunters: Hardly post. Always on inbox begging for 1 thing or the other.
Gossip: 5-10 posts daily.
Miscreants: 10-30 posts daily.
50. Some of  you GUYS are not ashamed!
You don't have a good TV, Laptop, Phone, Bed, Kitchen, AC, Fan, Nice Room & you want her to visit. Who told you that SOFT ROD in between your legs is enough?
51. Why I hardly upload my photos on Social Media
I will be 32 by November 2018, yet the look is like 25. I just hate to be addressed as 25 or below.
52. Wisdom is very RARE, that's WHY only one person is an Administrator to 'Robert Mugabe Quotes' & 'Jacob Zuma Quotes' Pages on Facebook.
53. You have not gotten any book worth N5,000 in your whole existence and your book goes for N7,000. Bro, be reasonable before your village people open a file for you.
54. When a Priest ask you to recite the Rosary 20 times, my dear; just know that the level of your sin is equivalent to that of Buhari on Nigerians.
55. I have lost over 5 ladies because they refused to tell me their real age. I have decided not to bother about Ladies  age again. I want to live a long life.
56. In your Village
There are people that would conclude that you're pompous whenever you start a building project at home or acquire a new car.
57. You must cum for pregnancy to come. Stop saying is a mistake!
58. A good mother would always advice her son to beware of women.
59. She said she doesn't like Condom, & you want to give her money for abortion?
Both of you are stupid.
60. Guys stop this nonsense. Are you not tired of the Hardship in Nigeria?
Learn how to befriend your Condom before you insert. If you don't want the rain to beat you, learn how to use your umbrella (Condom).
Don't be stupid!
61. Those with only 1st degrees are the highest E-DIOTS (Idiots) that correct people rudely on Social Media.
Masters & Ph.Ds holder(s) are more sensible in correcting you with love. But, you hardly see a true Professor who would correct you rudely online.
62. Waste!
You kept your virginity till marriage. And on the night your Husband is supposed to run the matter with you, you passed on without him getting to insert his sim into your Phone. If I have my way you will go to hell. Stingy substance.
63. Atheism on Facebook is too sardonic. I know of an atheist on Facebook with 2 active accounts: an Atheist in one and a Christian in the other. He uses one to abuse religious folks, while the other is for talking about Christianity.
A fool will always be a fool!
64. Sister, don't be stupid. Why loose your virginity to a man who has slept with over 50 women on the night of your wedding?
65. Guys that use more of emojis than write-ups are gays.
Argue with your Ancestors.
66. If you're a single lady & you have uploaded over 1,000 pictures on Facebook without an engagement from any man, don't upload again. Your future husband is not on Facebook.
Try Instagram.
67. 6 Billion naira to feed the Police in 2019 Elections.
APC & Buhari, how much was spent in 2015 to feed the Police on ground for the election?
68. You can INSULT anyone in the Society, but not a PROFESSOR. I value any Professor more than any President in the World. The academic journey in becoming a Professor is not as easy as bribing or killing people to become a President, Senator, Governor etc.
69. Donald Trump used Muhammadu Buhari's head by making him do part payment for those Tucano Jets & later pronounced him a Lifeless President.
This is what you do to a clueless Man who is a self-acclaimed Solomon of Africa.
70. Muhammadu Buhari is a foolish wise man. Few days to 2019 elections he would tell Boko Haram to releas e Leah Sharibu just to buy the heart of Christians.
71. They said he is still in Prison!
I hope 
Reverend Chukwuemeka Ezeugo, a.k.a Rev. King will not come out of Prison to contest 2019 election with Buhari?
72. People said
Olusegun Obasanjo was an INHUMAN leader;
Umaru Musa Yar'Adua was an EARTH WORM leader.
Goodluck Ebele Jonathan was a WATER YAM leader;
How do we classify Muhammadu Buhari?
73. The problem of Nigeria are more than the pages of the Holy BIBLE.
74. 5 Things You Must Know On Facebook:
Those who don't react on your posts are mostly enemies masquerading as friends.
Ugly people post more photos.
Broke people love updating their photos behind cars.
Those who don't feed well upload more of meal just to feel among.
Dull people jump from post to post to abuse people.
Sex Maniac(s) hardly talk about sex on Facebook.
75. I was not surprised when Abia State came out as Number 1 according to WAEC ranking. Abia State got the highest number of 'Miracle Centers' in Africa.
76. GLO network have broken countless relationships than cheating in Nigeria. The network might be so slow and your Love is thinking you're chatting with another Person.
77. African Proverbs at times are just too harsh like this one 'If a child will not stop insulting you, make love to the Mother to confirm your dignity and authenticate his stupidity.'
What stupid dignity?
Nonsense.
Let's hear those brutal African proverbs you know.
78. Some People are so FAKE like Nollywood Special Effects (*Film Tricks).
79. If you know your armpit is unshaved, please, don't raise your hands up when you're on sleeveless in Church during praise & worship. We don't want to see Lucifer's dreadlocks.
80. In NIGERIA you don't need good LYRICS for your VIDEO to go far as an Artiste, you just need a good director, 3 super bloggers & money to promote it on Television Stations.
You can come & fight me. I'm at Home.
81. Who TOLD those up and coming STARS that they must HIRE expensive CARS to shoot MUSIC videos for the videos to go FAR?
82. Uncle 'Common Sense' is busy making Common Sense like EBA on Twitter & Radio while THINGS are getting worse.
Common Sense is not Common after all.
83. Why is life like this?
Same market the rich man buys his food is the same market the pauper buys his miserable food from.
84. Whoever discovered 'Beans' must have 'patience' in cooking.
85. Pastor: Son, pray. I said pray. Pray like there is no tomorrow.
ME: The Bible said 'Money answereth all things and not Prayers'
86. I said 'Good afternoon, Ma!'
Why the insult of 'How are you?' 
I hate English at times.
87. Is official!
She MUST give me a BABY before 2086.
88. Nothing is FREE on Earth. Meals are not free in FREETOWN. Nothing is free in FREEDOM. 
To be frank, nothing is actually free in FREEBIES.
89. Time to LIE!
"I know of someone with an iPhone 9".
Drop your own lie. Is my lie and not yours.
90. I don't know why, but each time I'm driving around SARS Road in PortHarcourt; I'm always scared.
91. Those who complain here 
& there because they were INVITED
 to join groups are those who 
are in 3 groups alone. 
They want to make noise to get noticed.
 I'm in over 485 groups and people
 still invite me to join groups. 
When invited, I click
 to see what the group is 
all about & scroll
 to see like 40 posts
 & determine if to stay
 or exit quietly.
92. An average Nigerian young lady
 is pompous. 
While an average
 Nigerian young man
 is full of himself.
I just can't tell why.
93. Nigerians are the worst set 
of COPYCATS on Earth. 
They copied wedding, 
which is very 
cheap over there.
But, they made it to be 
very expensive & later 
added Traditional marriage.
94. A young lady 
has been dancing 
like a mad woman since 
yesterday all over me. 
She said
 'All men are the same' 
& I responded 
'Then get married
 to your Father'
95. They will not stop draining your laptop?
Connect external speakers, External Mouse, External Keyboard, External Bluetooth Connector.
Let me see where they would plug their Phones. Nonsense.
96. Making Her your Profile picture  on Facebook or Your DP on WhatsApp will not STOP her from cheating. Brother, be USEFUL to yourself.
97. A young lady has been dancing like a mad woman since yesterday all over me. She said 'All men are the same' & I responded 'Then get married to your Father'
98. Poor guys can beg
  ladies just to visit. 
Rich dude will do
 things to make you
 see reasons to come 
spend some days.
99. Those staying in the village are not the real village people, the village people are those who HATE You for no reason.
100. I want to dedicate a whole day of SILENCE for the SOULS of Da Grin (Artiste), J.T. Tom West (Actor), Raskimono (Artiste) who all became extremely FAMOUS after they passed on.

© SIR A-ONE
Goodnews Andrew Eruemuare also known as SIR A-ONE is a full-time blogger & literatus. His daily quotes, jokes, memes, wisdom etc are shared on his official Page on Facebook, SIR A-ONE: https://www.facebook.com/SIR-A-ONE-239806766161099/
Feel free to Like!
👏🙏👍

2
Politics / Zoning in Ughelli South By Moses Darah
« on: September 18, 2018, 10:13:12 AM »
Zoning in Ughelli South

By Moses Darah

The idea of zoning political positions to particular areas in Ughelli South has been rewarding in the past and still in tune with modern political trends all over the world. It was done for equity, justice, fairness and peaceful coexistence.

This is in line with section 14(3) of the 1999 Constitution states that, “(3) The composition of the Government of the Federation or any of its agencies and the conduct of its affairs shall be carried out in such a manner as to reflect the federal character of Nigeria and the need to promote national unity, and also to command national loyalty, thereby ensuring that there shall be no predominance of persons from a few State or from a few ethnic or other sectional groups in that Government or in any of its agencies.”

The benefits of zoning political offices cannot be overestimated. The three main wards of Jeremi, Eghwu and Olomu in Ughelli South Local Government of Delta State have over the years enjoyed this mutual rotational agreement between the Ughievwen and Olomu/Eghwu/Ephron Otor/Okparabe/Arhavwarien axis of the LGA instituted by the visionary elders and leaders of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP). It was scientifically arranged that when the Ughievwen ward, produced the council chairman, the others are understood to produce the member representing the constituency at the Delta State House of Assembly. The late Senator Pius Akpor Ewherido took the turn of Eghwu from 1999-2007 and Hon Taleb Tebite took that of Olomu from 2007-2015. Then, Hon Patrick Fovie, Hon Matthew Kporayen, Barr Denis Djomah and others held sway at the council for Jeremy.

When Hon Reuben Izeze of Ughievwen was elected in 2015, the position of the council chairman went to Eghwu and  Olomu, as the incumbent council boss is Dr Richard Kofi.

From the above analysis, the DTHA members completed a two-term of 8 years.  Hon Izeze who is about completing one term of four years, should be allowed to complete his second term.

This position is also in line with the Urhobo Youth Leaders Association's (UYLA) communiqué at a workshop on the need to sustain the politics of rotation in Delta State. UYLA emphasised that rotational politics was created so that every Senatorial District in Delta State will have a sense of belonging, necessitated by the need to sustain fairness and equity in Delta State. It  therefore, charged Urhobo youths to support the candidacy of Sen. Dr. Ifeanyi Okowa for the second tenure, so that he can serve his eight years before the return of power to Delta Central based, on PDP zoning arrangement, adding that any disruption on this zoning bargain may affect the Urhobo nation politically.

Let Ughelli South maintain this zoning arrangement to enable Hon Izeze serve his eight years before the return of power to Eghwu ward.

3
Son: Dad, is p*ssy the same thing as Cat?
Dad: Yes, Ikwesiri.
Son: How come my Teacher said p*ssy is sweet and Cat is delicious?
Dad: He was simply referring to the same thing. Cat is the same as p*ssy. You can use both words interchangeably.
Son: How come Okon the driver told Mom yesterday 'I will eat your p*ssy tonight?'
Dad: Your mom's cat is a eatable p*ssy for only Me, and not for anyone else. Now go call that bastard, Okon for me!
Son: Dad, You can never explain things to someone's understanding like my Teacher.
-SIR A-ONE
😛😝😂🤣
SIR A-ONE

4
So those people who were doing all night browsing in Cybercafe back then were all Yahoo Boys/Girls?
SIR A-ONE

5
Jesus had only 12 disciples & there was a Judas. If you have 5,000 friends, it means you have like 416 Judas to deal with on Facebook. 😝😳
SIR A-ONE

6
Crime / Man Beaten To Death For Stealing In Osumenyi
« on: September 15, 2018, 06:30:50 PM »
Man Beaten To Death For Stealing  In Osumenyi

Written By Izunna Okafor


As it is now a wone that every dawn of the day is ushered in by its own peculiar news, a young man has unfortunately clasp his sudden death in the early hours of today as he was furiously throbbed by angry youths for stealing phones and phone gadgets in a shop at Osumenyi, in the Nnewi South Local Government Area of Anambra State.
        The bloke who was simply identified as Mr. Chukwuka Ezike (aged 33) was said to be an indigene of the community, and was said to have been indubitably trapped in the act of burglary as he broke into a shop popularly known as 'So Good' which is located quite antipodal to the Holy Spirit Catholic Church Osumenyi, along the road leading to the popular Eke Osumenyi Market.
        According to an eye witness, Mr. Okechukwu who is also an indegene of the community, the killed suspect was said to have broken up a part of the said shop in the dangerous hour of the night, from where he sneaked in and snitched some goods -- phone accessories and other gadgets, and decided to sprint away, but was caught 'red-handed' by some youths, who immediately launched a vicious assail on him and beat him sadistically until he finally gave up to a ghost.
         He ruefully narrated how an unknown thief has persistently tormented the owner of the said 'So Good' shop, launched series of operations on the shop and carted away with items running into whooping amounts of money, even to the extent that he was eventually pushed to go extra mile in seeking protection for his shop, which is assumed to have finally worked impeccably by exposing and bringing an immediate end to the existence of the suspected criminal, who was also said to be a rain maker who would use artificial rain and thunderstorms to scare people away and tie them down at home whenever he wanted to carry out his criminal operations.
        However, as at the time of filing this report, it is still uncertain as to the actual people who beat the suspect to death, with regards to their nativity and their reasons for taking such a jungle dive.
      Nevertheless, the officers of Osumenyi Police Divisional Headquarter has promised to launch a further investigation into the matter, even as they deposited the remains of the suspected criminal in a nearby mortuary.
PENGICIAN

7
I have been on Facebook for 9 years now. If I had given birth in 2009 by now my BABY would have been 9 years old. Nobody should beg me. Let me cry my eyes out. 😭😰😓😥
SIR A-ONE

8
Learn how to manage time if you must take your Girl to another person's crib to *kpansh. Don't expect me to wait for like 6 hours. Are you defending your Ph.D Thesis?🤣😃😆
SIR A-ONE

9
Webmasters / 13 Discoveries on Facebook everyone should know
« on: September 15, 2018, 11:36:25 AM »
13 Discoveries on Facebook everyone should know

1. Posts with links don't go far on Facebook.

2. Photos with write-ups don't go far.

3. When you share a post on Facebook, it does not go far.

4. Trying to review 3 Pages within 10 minutes will give you a ban.

5. Posting same content in several groups without giving at least 3 minutes break might lead to a temporary ban.

6. Sharing same content from a group or page to other groups simultaneously might lead to a ban.

7. Facebook has a record of all posts you have liked and the total number of posts you have liked on the platform.

8. The more posts you like, comment and share on Facebook; the more active you become and the more people get to see your works anytime you make a post.

9. If you're not active in a group, people don't take your works seriously.

10. There are specific days of the week and time of the day that posts get to a larger audience. If you have a page, you would have noticed.

11. Facebook have monitoring spirits more than active friends/followers. If you have a page, at times you might see 11,274 people reached your post with 8 likes and no comment. You will now ask yourself what happened to the rest 11,266 people without a single reaction?

12. Nonsense usually have more reactions than a whole lot of sense.

13. Comedy have a way of attracting more traffic.

You can find me on Facebook on www.facebook.com/newsman4truth

SIR A-ONE

Goodnews Andrew Eruemuare also known as SIR A-ONE is a full-time blogger & literatus (writer). His daily quotes, jokes, memes, wisdom etc are shared on his official Page on Facebook, SIR A-ONE https://www.facebook.com/SIR-A-ONE-239806766161099/
Feel free to LIKE!
👏👍🙏

10
Love/Romance / Letter to a BOO by her Boyfriend
« on: September 15, 2018, 09:13:23 AM »
Letter to a BOO by her Boyfriend

Dear, BOO

Thanks for everything. But, first off, let me remind you that after what that daughter of Eve did to me the son of Adam; I never wanted to fall or flow in love again until you stole my heart. I'm not accusing you of plagiarism like Facebook users. I'm taking you as my new heart. My heart, yes. You read it well. You're a Thief. Yes. You stole my heart, but you're very lucky because I don't consider you a criminal. Thanks for stealing my heart. It rightful belongs to you.

Just a little heads up:
If you break my heart, I will arrest you.
I will use female soldiers to torture you.
I will publish you on national dailies.
I will place you on the front page of Google, Bing, Ask, Yahoo etc.

I was on my own before you walked into my heart.

I will try my best possible to be wise. But, brother Google & Socrate once told me 'Once a man is in love, a new Mugu has been born'. Let me be the *mugu for you. Press my *mumu button very well. But, don't over press it.

I might not be able to take good care of you now cos of Post Graduate Studies, but soon and pretty soon; you will smile better, bigger and  brighter.

Don't over flaunt me for now, cos I don't know the future. But, if we don't end up together as Man and Wife; don't apportion blame to anyone. Apportion blame to sister •Fate.

I know you have an ex. Yes. We all got exes. Even the babies in the worm all have exes. But, dare not compare me with your ex in anyway. Just learn from his past errors, while I learn from my failures in past  relationships as well. Don't even ask me if I'm a Virgin. The last person who asked this same question is with our ancestors as we speak. Please, don't ask me what happened.

BLOGGING is my Life. I'm a full-time blogger and literatus. So when you see me in the parlour or in the room with phone or laptop, don't take me as a *yahoo boy. I eat from refined gossip. But, not a common gossip.
I write for like 5 different websites on daily basis. It simply means I do more of thinking and writing for blogs just to keep body and soul together.

Do your best. I would do my very best as well to make this work.

Say me well to your people.

SIR A-ONE

11
He goes to the club without taking you along. He goes for shopping without taking you along. He goes to good eateries without taking you along. But he has been disturbing you to follow him to his Uncle's funeral? Sister, leave that guy alone.
SIR A-ONE

12
When a child starts growing hair in his pubic region, he should not think he has come of age with his father.
SIR A-ONE

13
No one wakes up so early like a Lady who urinates in a custard rubber. When she is asleep, her mind is on how to empty it very early before other neighbours wake up. 😝😳😆
SIR A-ONE

14
Instead of you to activate your follow button, you're busy removing friends. You might end up removing your destiny helpers. Common sense is never common.
SIR A-ONE

15
Can someone tell me why undergraduates post more about school life than Master & Ph.D students?

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